-Drawing
-Shining shoes
Cosmology of yard
These are few thoughts about 69th and Dorchester.
What is my role and what does it mean for me to live here?
At this point, I have mostly been an active observer. I have watched parts of the building be torn down and built up. I have seen the building be cleaned, cleaned and cleaned. I have seen the trash bins fill and be emptied.
I have met some people. I have been invited in and welcomed. The first week I moved into 69th and Dorchester, Ivet and I drank coffee together every morning for a week. We shared a cab home one evening too. This simple act of sharing seemed significant.
I’ve ridden bikes. I have ridden my bike from Dorchester to Humboldt Park and back. I have gotten 3 flat tires since living here.
I have also ridden public transportation. On a given day I am on the bus or train 4 – 5 times. My favorite ride thus far has been the early morning 14 Jeffery express. People greet one another and seem to be generally happy about going to work or school.
I’ve been called Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, waved to, shoulder checked and smiled at. I’ve learned that wearing a street face is a front. I am trying to learn to smile more. If I am in South Shore, the longest I am sitting still is at the Stony Island Laundromat. Otherwise, I am walking to the bus or at home.
I have watched Theaster deal with successes as an artist. I have also seen these successes overwhelm him. He always shares his food and drink. We have worked, talked, and ran together.
I have learned a few things about discipline and getting up early. I have both worked hard and been lazy. I have been motivated and have also felt like never wanting to clean another bathroom or toilet. I have been involved in projects and have also watched from the sidelines.
There are moments that I have been gracious and generous. There are also times that I have been immature, passive-aggressive, closed off and shy. There are times that I felt afraid to ask for what I wanted because I was afraid of imposing. I have lived up to certain responsibilities and some well I “forgot” about and let wither. There have been times where I have felt like escaping or just needed space.
I have learned some things about giving and receiving. I think about pros and cons. I have thought about the value of things monetarily as well as human currency. People have jokes though! And lots of people come by. There is a lot to talk about art. Hamza is brilliant and funny. Elgin and Dara work hard. So many others have been so sweet and kind.
I think about Dorchester and me and where I exist in it. I am maybe just a speck in its cosmos. But even the speck exist within it own universe. And perhaps my universe expands the cosmos of the yard. The things I bring, the knowledge I accumulate. Energy is transferred. The yard expands and shrinks.
Time. I think about moving forward and often feel stuck. I have found myself thinking of the past. I have thought about my lives in Los Angeles and in San Francisco. But, really there are many things to be excited about in the future. My family checks in on me from time to time. My little brother pushes me to be better. I have moments where my universe has collided with others. Niki my childhood friend driving me down Stony Island felt surreal.
Once or twice a week I tutor new immigrants and help them prepare for their naturalization exam. There are days where volunteering is inspiring and I am certain it is of great value. There are also days where I feel that I don’t live up to my responsibilities as a teacher. Some times I feel like it’s just a front. Right now, I am educating myself more about the issues that surround immigration. I think about language and the power of language. I think about how it is used to include and exclude. I think about my own privilege as a second generation Asian American.
I am also relearning the Cantonese I have forgotten over the years.
I work at an art store. Working there helps me stock pile supplies. I have seen my pay checks go to Theaster, to only go to someone else days later. Tuck-pointing, labor, demolishing concrete is hard work. People deserve to get paid.
I have made a few paintings. I will continue to make more.
I want to learn true humility. I am learning to be more honest about my abilities and myself.
So for the New York project. I would like to commit to a series of actions as contributions to Yamaguchi and Dorchester. I would like to mark this as a beginning of open dialogue and communication about my contribution to the project.
I will begin with some sort of daily devotional action. So that my energy, reflection and thought can be an offering for the project and all those involved that have been so generous to me.
Right now I am thinking about a series of ink drawings that I will do every day until I leave to New York. This would be a continuation of the first set of ink drawings I did of the ware boards one year ago at the Del Prado building. This will be a contribution to the archive and an act out of respect for labor and service. The drawings will mark the duration of my time here. This will be a challenge of discipline and accountability.
-Derek
